A recent case I dealt with involved a four year old child. The parents' relationship had not ended well and resulted in police being called to intervene when things spilled over. Luckily, in this situation both parents were able to take a step back and realise the impact that this situation was having on their child.
The first mediation session did not go particularly smoothly. The father felt he was being excluded from the child’s life and was not being given information. The mother responded saying she didn’t want to talk to him any more than she had to, as it always ended in an argument.
We worked on how they could communicate effectively looking at what dad needed to know and how often. It became evident, and acknowledged by mum, that most of dad’s anger was in fact, grief that he was not able to see his child every day. His working pattern was not very flexible and the times he was available didn’t fit in very well with a four year old’s routine needs.
A basic, regular every other weekend pattern, for dad to spend time with his child was put in place. Mum was happy to consider him having more time, as long as it didn’t interrupt the child’s established routine. They agreed to try a parenting app to communicate.
Within a week, I had a phone call from dad to say it wasn’t working and he wanted his form in order to go to court. Mum emailed to say she didn’t know what was happening and was he still seeing the child at the weekend. A second mediation session was arranged as quickly as possible. By the time of the session, dad had seen the child for a full weekend, the app was in place and he had spoken to his employer and arranged a bit of flexible working to enable a midweek overnight contact every week. When I asked about what had caused him to want to go to court, he admitted he had been out with friends who had made him doubt that things were going to work out and that he needed a court order.
I saw them again three months later. Both parents were using the app to let each other know of any changes or agree on actions, medical appointments etc. They both reported how they could see a change in their child and how developmentally everyone had noticed the improvement in language, mood and behaviour. They were able to discuss and agree the school options for their child. They agreed that if anything happened they would return to mediation before the relationship broke down again.
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