It is always an education speaking to a child or siblings group when the parents support them to have their own meeting with a mediator. Generally, children have a lot to say, but sometimes, the meetings last just minutes. It doesn’t matter as long as the child has had the opportunity to say what they want to say and ask what they want to ask.
These meetings are always carefully set up. Children need to understand that they have the control about what they want to share or what is just between them and the mediator.
There is no script, no pre-agreed questions there is just a neutral space where any issue of concern or any view can be offered for consideration. The children are in control. At the end of any session the mediator goes over what has been discussed and invites the child to decide what can be repeated to the parents. Generally, they are happy to share everything, but at times there are things that children do not want repeated. As long as the children are not at risk of harm, the mediator will honour that. Safe-guarding will always have to come first.
Feedback to parents is given verbally. Once it has been delivered the mediator will shred their paperwork to maintain the child’s confidentiality.
Often, one parent will not consent to CIM believing the other parent will coach the children about what to say. It is true at times that a child will spout a whole lot of stuff that uses language or phrases that are completely out of sync with their normal patterns of speech. That’s okay, give them a few more moments with conversations about football, Minecraft, animals etc., and then they are off and have forgotten the script.
Another technique that a mediator will use is to ask a child to tell them more about what they have just said. The answer commonly starts with mummy/daddy said… and the mediator will reply ‘That’s interesting, but, what do you think?’
Mediators are not child counsellors, we offer the child a chance to have a voice about what is happening to them and their family. We answer questions about process and give information about other services if relevant. We hope they enjoy speaking to us as much as we enjoy speaking to them.
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